As a lover of all things reality TV, The Jersey Shore had me at Guido. However, I have not been able to put my finger on why the rest of the nation is so obsessed with this show. People that don't normally tune into reality TV are watching, mesmerized. It can't just be the train wreck factor--there are tons of train wrecks all over the tube. Is it the fact that such strange microcosms of people exist outside of the Brazilian Rain Forest and the West Bank? It's like these people have been cut off from the rest of the world.
Exhibit A: The girls all dress like whores. I'm not talking your run of the mill trashy biotch at the bar that shows waayyyyyy too much cleavage. I am talking straight up street-walking, crack-using, 80's video vixen, whores. All of their clothes look like a tiger clawed-up an 8-year-old's closet.
Exhibit B: Not one person in this whole town has gotten the memo that tanning beds are bad for you. Really, really bad for you.
Exhibit C: Not one person in this whole town has gotten the memo that steroids are bad for you. Really, really bad for you.
Exhibit D: They genuinely like house music.
I really, really try not to make fun of people. The exception to this rule, is that if you subject yourself to reality TV, then you're fair game. With that said, here is a breakdown of the cast of characters:
Snooki. Ladies, if you're under 5 feet, go ahead and check that Halloween costume off your list. This lovely lady stands in at 4 feet, 5 inches. If you crossed a troll doll, Christina Aguilera, and a Mystic Tan booth, you would arrive at what is now Snooki. Snooki would be wise to invest all the money she makes off of this show in Bump It stock.
Sammi Sweetheart. Sammi's the kind of girl that you can't decide whether or not you like. You think she's stuck up, but then she pulls a bitch's hair for you. And this girl knows how important hair is--it takes her hours to attach her weave before a night on the town.
Angelina "Jolie". Angelina is no longer on the show. Why you ask? Because, MTV actually forced her to work in a sweat, I mean T-shirt shop. To this, she stated, "I feel this job is beneath me. I'm a bartender. I do great things." Mother Teresa is so proud.
Jen "JWoww". One look at this girl, and you know she's sporting a mean case of the herps. And the clap. After the show's over, mark my words. You will find this girl in porn.
Mike "the Situation." Go to your bookshelf. Get out your Thesaurus. Turn to the word "douchebag" or words "douche bag." Now check the synonyms. The first one is Mike, right? Whatever bad things happen to this guy in life, he fully deserves them.
Pauly D. This guy has a blow out, has tattoos, his ween pierced, and is employed as a DJ. Doesn't sound that bad? Well, he's 30.
Ronnie. Ronnie is the most clear cut example of failing to get the above memos. He's actually almost likeable. Then he says something like this, "You just take your shirt off and they come to you, it's like a fly comes to s**t!"
Vinny. Vinny looks exactly like a Beastie Boy, circa 1988. He's also the most normal of all of the cast. And by normal, I mean the least retarded of all of the cast. And, he managed to contract pink eye. In a bar.
And just in case you were a little jealous that you don't have a similar such nickname http://www.unlikelywords.com/2009/12/08/jersey-shore-nickname-generator/
Fist pump!
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