You say it's your birthday...

It's my birthday too, biotches!!!!  Today I am 29 for the third time.  And, as long as I keep using Botox, I should be able to remain looking 25-ish for several more years.

Thanks, Modern Science, for poisonous face-freezing botulism!  You are the best!  Now, please invent something that shrinks my ass, lifts these 32-year-old A-cups, and removes the long, black hairs from my moles. 

BTW, I once had a mole on my stomach that my sister dubbed "the tick."  I know, no details necessary.  It removed itself during an especially strenuous high school cheerleading practice.  It was never found.

I wonder if it's still on the floor of the C.E. Byrd High School gym...